So Much Has Changed

I laugh a little to myself when I read that someone is blogging.  It is so hard to consistently blog.  A few years ago I posted 329 times in one year.  I don't think I will attempt that anytime soon, however, it was a good release for me at the time and I enjoyed it.  I was alone and far from home and it helped me sort out my day-to-day thoughts.  And nowadays, so much has changed but I still feel the urge to sit down from time to time and put my thoughts in writing.  What has changed, you ask?

• My granddad passed last year on July 11th (close to his 99th birthday).  I knew he would pass someday but I always thought deep down inside that he would be one that would live to 105 or 110.  I think about him almost daily and now often ponder about what the real meaning of life is.  I often wonder why he was here, did he accomplish what he was put here for, did his work and his life matter, was he happy, why did he have to be so lonely the last few years of his life?  What exactly is the meaning of life?  I don't know.  I will write about my feelings someday.
• I am turning 50 this year and often reflect now about my own life.  How have my choices affected myself and my family, what is in store for my future, will I someday make a difference?
• I have worked at a company now since November 1, 2011.  In eight months, I will have been with this company for three years.  There are days that I feel like quitting, there are days that I feel like I have made a difference, and there are days that seem to make no difference at all.  We are profitable but just barely.  We make a difference for families in our community but we can't seem to reach our own employees most of the time.  When I am on vacation I cant get away from work and when I am at work sometimes all I dream about is a vacation.
• As I turn 50 this year, I find myself trying to lose 100 lbs., wondering what I can do to "get away" and explore more, wanting to take more vacations, trying to kill rabbits in the backyard ( I stayed outside last night in -6 degree weather for 1.5 hours trying to kill the "flower and plant" killers), and pondering the future.  I often feel unsettled and unsure of what it holds.

Well, I am hungry, I still have to exercise, and nightfall is coming quickly, therefore, I must load my gun.   In some ways I can relate to Elmer Fudd more than I would care to think.