Pulling the String

I think I may have written about this fable before but it bears repeating.

I once read a story about a man that could pull a magic string and skip forward any time that he was facing adversity or facing an unpleasant situation.  When his children were young and teething, he pulled the string, and much to his surprise and relief, he skipped forwards a few years and the teething stage was over.  When the pressure mounted at work, he pulled the string and he got the same result.  When he would argue with his wife, he would pull the string, and forward into time he would go.  He felt he was so blessed.  Over the years, he pulled the string over and over and over and over.  And suddenly, he realized that he was an old man, laying on his death bed.  Last rites were being given and he was asked if he had any last wishes.  "Yes" the man whispered, "I want to go back in time and live my life.  I missed so much by taking the easy road." 

I can't tell you how many times I have wanted a magic string to pull.  I can't begin to tell you how many times I thought I was doing something good that turned out bad, unfortunately most of the time with my family.  It seems that way more often than I would like.  I feel like I am trying to help, to give advice and provide wisdom, to set high expectations, to help people, and then the opposite seems to happen and either the other person gets hurt, or I get hurt, or both.

Yes, I still want to pull a string.  Yes, I wish I could always do a great job.  But the truth is I can't.  And I do have insecurities as much as I hate to admit it.  I want my family to succeed and to follow their passions, but in trying so hard to help them, sometimes I screw up. 
As I get older, I want to be strong and disciplined and thoughtful and bring peace instead of chaos to situations.  Most times I get it right.  Sometimes, I bring my insecurities to the situation and use shame, and ridicule, and guilt to make myself seem right, and I get it wrong.

I am sorry Joshy.  I am sorry Allie.  I am sorry Dena.  I think I had the right message.  Ultimately, I presented it wrong.

I don't have a string to pull.  Hopefully, I learn from my last mess up and time can heal your wounds.