As of today, I will no longer be a Facebook member. I am de-activating my account. I think I will use it for business on a business account, but I don't want to be a part of the FB community any longer.
There are a lot of things that I enjoy about Facebook. I have enjoyed re-acquainting with old friends. I have been able to communicate often with the group that I used to mentor, and I have been able to stay in touch through pictures with close friends.
On the other hand, most of the time Facebook drives me crazy. For example, my wife has a friend that is too optimistic. Her friend is an adult but yet posts the most immature, rose-colored crap I have ever read. It's like she is in a competition to outperform the world. A friend of Spencer's writes posts that are about feces on one day and then posts a scripture verse the next. I don't respect him or his religion any longer. I also don't care what people eat for lunch, and I don't care if you are bored. Maybe, it's just me.
But yesterday is the real reason that I am getting off Facebook. My son posted a comment that used the letters "FML" at the end of his post. For those of you that don't know, "FML" stands for "F_ _ _ my life." I was very disappointed. I didn't understand because I have never heard him use that type of language. Please understand that I am not saying I haven't used language and said things that I shouldn't have and regret, but most of the time I have used that type of language in the heat of the moment; when I am angry (and I still regret it). Per my son, this was a post that was supposed to be funny. So I called Josh home to discuss the matter, to let him know that I was serious about him not doing that anymore and to find out why he would use language like that so cavalierly, so easily, for fun.
When he got home, my son explained that he had not written the post. He told me his girlfriend had written the post. He said he was writing things on her FB account. It is a game that teens play. And I told him that I was disappointed in her too. Josh still couldn't understand because to him, they were just letters, the words weren't used. I told him that it doesn't matter. It's like KFC. Even though they are just letters, you know KFC stands for Kentucky Fried Chicken.
I expect more from Josh and I want him to take a stand. I want him to have higher standards than the average teenager. Just because teens use drugs, I don't want him to use drugs. Just because teens have sex, I don't want him to have sex, just because teens write crap on their FB posts, I don't want him to do the same. It personally reflects on him and his reputation. I tried to explain to my 17-year old that his reputation is everything. And his reputation should be built on character and that he should have higher standards for himself, just like he does in track.
Throughout this process, I got too angry. Dena and I argued because she disagrees with me. For some reason, she sees the FB posting as just a little game. And in the process, I hurt relationships across the board. My understanding is that Allie's parents don't understand my stance. I sincerely hope this doesn't affect the future. My wife disagrees with me and I know it will be strained at our house for weeks. (Kentucky camper here I come)
And I know this ordeal has affected Allie. In the midst of my disagreement with Josh, Allie called and left a message. She apologized and said that she hoped this didn't affect my view of her. Later, I asked her to come over to the house with Josh so that I could talk to them in person. And she was sad. And cried a little. And it broke my heart.
So Allie, if you are still reading this blog, please know that I have the utmost respect for you. When I was 17, I would not have had the guts to call an adult like you did. You are a wonderful young lady that adds a bright smile to this house when you come over. I hope in the future you will feel welcome again because you are. And Mr. Laughary, I know you are proud of your daughter. You should be. I intended this to be more about Josh and his leadership and Allie got included in the process. For that, I apologize.
As far as Facebook is concerned, Elvis has left the building!
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2 comments:
Can We Get an Encore First?
I don't disagree with your disappointment in the FB fiasco, but I do feel you took it a little too personally. Is this really about Josh and Allie or is it about you too? I liked how you met with them and talked it out instead of having a emotional meltdown and not hearing their side of the story.
It is so critical for all of us to be careful what we put out there for all too see. Josh's collegiate future could be jeopardized if the right people saw questionable stuff showing up on FB, a blog, You Tube, or any public media. People have lost jobs because of what they put out there. So yes, it was worth the investment of time and energy to bring all parties together and talk it out.
But leaving FB seems a little over the top. If you don't want to hear the "I'm bored" or "Going to the bathroom now" posts, just 86 them from your FB page. But you lose so much connection with family and friends by throwing out the baby with the bath water. You may have saved Josh's butt by nipping this in the bud and you certainly let all of us know what your values are! That is a good thing. You hold us all to a higher standard, and leaving us only lowers the bar.
I would have felt embarrassment if my child used the F bomb in a public forum. That's what I meant at the beginning when I asked if this is about you too...where you ask yourself where I went wrong as a parent. This is where Dena's balance comes into play with recognizing that teenagers do stupid stuff. (would you like me to recall a few from your younger years?)
So before Elvis leaves the building, could we get an encore?
Dale,
Thanks for the response. It is sometimes hard to be so open and vulnerable, but I have learned that honesty and truth are usually the first step to growth. So...I am trying.
As always, you have provided good advice and input. You probably will enjoy my next blog (Pulling the String) where I realize that a lot of this was coming through my "filter".
It is hard to try to stand up for high values because the other person involved thinks that you are looking down on them which certainly isn't the case....but I understand the other point of view especially when it involves a child. - Jeff
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