Making Choices in 2013

Just like that, Christmas is past and the new year will soon be upon us. 

There are things that I want to do differently in 2013 but I when I take a deeper look at things I want to do, it seems like most of them really don't matter much in the big scheme of things.  And I put other things on the list because I am "supposed to", like reading through the bible or running a half marathon. 

 So, in reflection of this past year and looking forward to the next, I started to think about what really matters and what I should concentrate on in 2013.  As I was reading, I came upon an article that I thought was very interesting and provided some clarity to me.

The article is as follows:

Bronnie Ware is an Australian nurse who spent several years caring for patients in the last 12 weeks of their lives. As many of her patients approached their final days, she would ask if they had regrets or things they would do differently.
Ware was so surprised by the phenomenal clarity of vision people gained at the end of their lives that she began documenting their responses.

5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.
“This is a surprisingly common one. Many did not realize until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called ‘comfort’ of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they were content, when deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again.”

*Photo by Rosie O’Beirne, Creative Commons 4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.
“Often they would not truly realize the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they are dying.”
3. I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.
“Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result.”
2. I wish I hadn’t worked so hard.
“This came from every male patient that I nursed. They missed their children’s youth and their partner’s companionship. Women also spoke of this regret, but as most were from an older generation, many of the female patients had not been breadwinners. All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence.”
1. I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.
“This was the most common regret of all. When people realize that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people had not honored even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made. Health brings a freedom very few realize, until they no longer have it.”


This list contains nothing new to you or to me, but I believe it is always good to keep these things at the forefront of our lives. This list challenged me and I hope it stirred you a little and makes you pause for a minute to think about what changes can be made to enhance our lives in 2013.

I think it is ironic how seemingly small little choices that we make end up being regrets at the end of our lives. They seem so insignificant at first. Working a few hours later at the office. Forgetting to call, or even text our friends back. Keeping things to ourselves. Trying to keep up with the Jones.

However small and rational at the time, the wrong choices we make almost always will slowly but surely pull us away from the things that matter most.

A letter to my sons

To my two sons,

Thank you for a wonderful Thanksgiving holiday.  The holidays are always more joyful and meaningful when you are home.  Because I feel I never have enough time with you, I wanted to write down some thoughts that I think will apply whether you are ready to jump into the real world or whether you are just finding your way at school.

Competition - Competition is good and affords you the opportunity to push yourself beyond what you thought possible for you.  Whether on the track, playing a concert, or working at your career, you should never underestimate an opponent and always treat him with respect.  You may not respect the person or what he stands for, but respect the fact that he is your equal (for now).  When you win, do not be arrogant or cocky, and if you should lose, keep you head high and be proud of the fact that you gave your all.

Peers- Treat your peers and subordinates with respect and equality. Treat everyone with respect at the start, and take it away if they do not return it in kind. If you must play boss, do so fairly.  And be very particular about with whom you spend your time.

Strengths and Weaknesses- Identify your strengths, reinforce and develop them, and use them to your advantage. When dealing with an opponent, always deal from a position of strength. Identify your weaknesses and acknowledge them. Either correct them or work around them. But never use them as an excuse.


Self Esteem -How you feel about yourself always has a way of showing through. The way you handle yourself speaks volumes about you and often determines how others treat you.  But be careful you don’t cross the fine line between confidence and arrogance. And don't ever be shy and timid but humble.

Family - Always give family time and love, but most of all give of yourself.  I believe you can make up for lost time and the best way to do it is to take the time to give of yourself in love.

Job- I never thought I would be a "dirty laundry" guy, sell a service to shred paper, buy and sell property, or be a roofer.  However, if you look, you can always find pleasure in whatever it is that you do. This attitude will make even the lousiest task easier to do. Remember – depending upon your attitude you can even take pleasure out of waiting a table, pounding a nail, or going to practice. Whether it is because you did it fast, nearly perfect, or better than your opponent,  if you find something to turn the task into a game or a challenge, your job then becomes fun. I’d rather have fun the rest of my life – it sure beats working

Love you guys,

Dad

I Am Thankful For...

Yesterday was a nearly perfect Thanksgiving.  My boys are in town, my wife's meal was incredibly delicious, we had good conversation, and my family capped the night off with a movie at the theater. 

During some downtime, I looked at FB and Twitter to view friend's and family's posts.  I enjoyed seeing what people were posting.  Thankfulness was in the air.  People were thankful for our country, family, the military, friends, Thanksgiving meal, their pets, our freedom, etc.

As is tradition at our house, we go around the table and let each person say what they are thankful for after we pray.  When it came to my turn, I didn't have to think about what I am most thankful for.  I am thankful for the four years that I spent in a camper 250 miles from my family and friends in a location that I really didn't like.  More specifically, I am thankful for the lessons that I learned and the appreciation for the "normal" things that I gained during those four years.

Sometimes my stomach turns even now when I think about how lonely I was during that time.  Many times I would leave work around 5:00 p.m. and not hear or utter another word until I talked to my family before going to sleep. I often think about missing most of my youngest son's high school years ( I was gone during his four years at high school but spent time at cross country and track meets on the weekends).  I think about shutting off the water in late October (as required) and not having running water again until late March.  I remember getting sick in the middle of the night and having to walk 100 yards to the shower house through the snow at 3:00 a.m. and then spending the night lying on concrete because I was too sick to go back to my camper.  I remember going to bed with gloves on my hands and a hat on my head with two sleeping bags and three blankets over top of me just to stay warm.  I remember crying and shouting in anger at God because I couldn't believe I was in this situation.

And yes, without a doubt, this is the thing that I am most thankful for.  It helped open my eyes to how spoiled I am and how I used take normal everyday things, like running water, for granted.  It made me realize how important family is and how much I miss them when we are apart.  It made me thankful for how strong my wife is. 

And it made me thankful that God, in his infinite wisdom, would allow me to be put in that situation so that I could learn to be more thankful and appreciate the small things in life.

I hope and pray that you have a "camper" experience someday.

Duck Dynasty and Roofing

On November 1, 2011, I was fortunate enough to be hired by my brother-in-law to run his family-owned business.  I have run companies and divisions of companies throughout my career, however, there are certain aspects of running a family-owned business that I was not prepared for.  I thought that I cared about the companies that I had worked for in the past but I didn't understand the weight of the burden that I would feel for making things work well within the family business.  And the statistics don't give us a good chance either.  Only 3% of small businesses make it to the third generation.

Working in a family business is part of the reason that I am so drawn to a reality TV show called Duck Dynasty.  If you haven't had the pleasure of seeing the show, it is a reality series on A&E that shows the lives of the redneck Robertson family, who run and manage a family owned business that went from poverty to being mulch-millionaires due to the sales of their duck calls.

At the end of each show, the family gathers around Phil's table (the father) and they all say a prayer before eating a meal together.  During the show, things often go wrong.  Willie (CEO) is often frustrated.  Sometimes, arguments ensue.  However, at the end of the show, the family eats a meal together and Willie often offers some thoughts and wisdom that he has learned from the experience.

Common themes reoccur during Willie's summary of the events of the show such as forgiveness, caring, moving forward despite differences, trying to see another person's point of view, and acknowledging others ideas.

We all have a lot we could learn from the redneck Robertsons!

"Sleep No More"

One of the hottest plays right now is a theatrical "experience" titled Sleep No More.  The play is a new twist on an old play, Macbeth.  What is so interesting and intriguing about this play to me is that the audience does not go to the theater, sit down, and watch a play on stage.  Rather, they are free to interact and roam freely throughout a huge building, observing and participating at will.  But here is where the twist comes into play (no pun intended).  The audience members stand outside until the time that the play is to begin.  They are then taken to a nice plush lounge with the feel of a "speak easy" and served a mysterious drink.  Instructions are then given that everyone must wear a white mask that has an over-sized bird's beak on it and that no one is to utter a word while being encouraged that "riches follow the bold".  Then after being led through a dark tunnel for several minutes, the audience is released into a vast building with several rooms that are very dimly lit.  The rooms are both small and huge ranging from a bathroom, a bedroom, a huge forest, and an office space amongst other settings.  For twenty minutes people wander.  They can open drawers, they can relax in an easy chair, or explore in the forest. Then cast members start to appear amongst the audience and the play of Macbeth begins.  With no "prompters" or directions, the audience members are free to do as they please.  No rules, no judgements, no social mores (sound like moray) to follow.  People feel empowered, bold, sometimes rude, sometimes sexual, out of control, and sometimes afraid.  And they "act out" these feelings sometimes with their partners and sometimes with complete strangers.

I would love to go and participate in the experience of Sleep No More.  I love to be at the airport and observe people.  I love going to social gatherings and simply taking mental notes about people's behavior.  My wife would HATE going to this play.  She desperately needs control and without control in a setting with strangers, she would probably be near hysterics. 

But this whole mask thing and being anonymous and acting out with no rules or consequences has me thinking.  Yes, some people are more rude and mean than they would normally be during this play, some people are more sexual and uninhibited during this play, but it is reported that the vast majority of people still don't cross that line too far.  In fact some people gently and lovingly help the actors in the play by offering a towel or a drink.  But why?  I think it is because people act a certain way because they are expected to act a certain way according to societal rules and norms, according to where they are at any given place and time.

Interesting enough, I believe most people are "actors".  We act a certain way at work, another way at home, and a completely different way from Saturday night until Sunday morning when sitting at church service or mass.  Yes, I am guilty!

I think it is rare to find a person that is a true individualist and acts a certain way most of the time according to a set of principles, codes, or commandments.

How much does your mask cover?

Blogging Again

Hey, I'm back!! 

I have missed blogging for the past year.  I have missed putting my thoughts in writing and clearing my mind through that process.  But, I took a break because I needed to.  I changed jobs, moved to another state, sent my youngest to college, experienced a scare with my Granddad, witnessed the changing of America through a recent election, and am trying to change the culture, the attitude, and the daily operations of a 34 year old company.  And while I know that many of these experiences would have made for interesting blogs, I needed time to process, think, regroup, and fall asleep early from exhaustion!

The year before I wrote nearly every day.  I don't think I will do that again.  However, I will write 3-4 times a week.  I am also going to start blogging for my company, Showalter Roofing, Inc.  I hope to post written and video blogs on that site so I will pass that info along as I get rolling with that project.

So, let me tell you what is on my mind that I might be blogging about soon:

• I am growing a mustache for "Movember".  I look really stupid and don't grow facial hair very well.  However, Movember is a prostate cancer awareness campaign and that issue is very near and dear to my heart.
• I want a puppy.  But my other "puppies" must go to puppy heaven before I do such a stupid thing.  Maybe writing about it will bring me to my senses.
• Family is so important.  I sometimes wish that America and the world would experience a monumental crisis to force families to have to live and work together again to simply get back to the importance of family (but I want the crisis to last only 6 months)
• I hear about "girls night out" all the time so why don't we have more "guy" times.  I am glad to be a guy and want to do more "guy" things!!
• How has America changed since my childhood and my opinion of why it has changed.
• Stupid things people say and post on FB and why I am finally deleting them.
• What does it mean to live a meaningful life?
• Leadership
• Is Siri your best friend?
• Work Hard, Nap Hard - Mow a little grass, sip a little tea, take a little nap
• Christmas- Is it the best time of the year?
• What I am learning from Willie, Phil, and Si
• I want to hunt and why

Round two begins NOW!

Ahh, That's What Relaxation Feels Like

Yesterday was the first "vacation" I have taken in a long time.  It wasn't really a vacation, just a day of relaxation and being carefree. Something that hasn't happened in years for me.

One of the things that Dena, the boys, and I used to love doing was going to the Air and Water show in Chicago.  We would make an entire day of it; leaving in the morning, pushing the boys in running cart, packing lunch, and enjoying the awesomeness and power of the aircraft and watercraft being displayed.

So, yesterday Dena and I relived some old memories and went to the show.   We left when we wanted to, we were in no big rush to get to the show, we stopped along the route to get Dena's Dunkin Donuts tea with cream and sugar, and simply enjoyed the stroll to the Lake.  The weather was a perfect 72 degrees with no humidity and a gentle breeze, the architecture always inspires me, the people were friendly (Yes, I see friendly people in Chicago every time I go), and the fact that I felt so "in the moment" was just what I needed to relax and feel renewed.

After an incredible show, Dena and I strolled back towards our parking garage (a 10+ mile roundtrip stroll by the way) and stopped at Pizano's Pizza for a wonderful meal.  Sitting outside on the sidewalk was also very enjoyable.  I love the city, I love watching the people, and I loved spending time with my wife.

So, now I think I am ready to plan our next adventures.  Maybe we could go to Starved Rock, Peoria to visit my parents and granddad, Door County, Mackinac Island, Galena??? Who knows where we will be going next.

But after my experience yesterday, I am ready to experience more days like that.  As I said before, I think I am going to like the "Fall" season of my life.

Life in 360

My life feels like it has come a full 360 degrees.  Twenty-six years ago last week, I married my bride and we experienced five years together before having our two boys.  And now, this past weekend, we took our youngest to college some 11 hours away.  Bittersweet is a very appropriate and fitting way to describe my feelings right now.  I'll admit that I am looking forward to having time to do things I want to do.  I might take up a new hobby, I think I will get back in shape and lose a good 85-90 pounds, and meal time will be a lot less hectic with just my wife and me to look after.

But already things have changed in a way that I know will never be the same again.  When we came home last night, the house was quiet and my youngest son's room seemed eerily empty.  No laughter, or questions, or things to figure out.  His room now is simply a holding places of memories of raising him for the past 18 years.  As I looked at the medals and trophies, I knew the days of weekly track meets are gone forever and will be traded for distant phone calls from various states reporting on how he did.  Pictures have been left behind of memories that were special to him.  Memorabilia of things that impacted his life now sit on shelves, only to be re-visited with occasional trips home for breaks and holidays.

On the other hand, the boys are doing what they are supposed to be doing.  They are becoming men and figuring out how to carve out of life for themselves and for their future families.  As for me, I am going back to a life (for the most part) with how things started out 26 years ago, just Dena and me.

And I am pretty sure all of us will be just fine.

Growing Pains

I cant believe we are in the middle of January.  It seems like yesterday that I was celebrating a wonderful holiday time with my family.  I was at a house today that still had a Christmas tree up and it brought back good memories of the past holiday season that I will have for a lifetime.

But life moves on with every second that ticks away, and I am in full swing with my new position in the Chicago area.  Change and fear seem to be the words that are most commonly heard around the office these days.  And I understand.  Some of our team members have doubts about their new responsibilities. Others are overwhelmed by a fear of failure.  Still others have become content to stay where they are and have lost sight of our purpose and passion and the direction that we should be heading.

I know these feelings are natural and, to some degree, to be expected.  But I also have had the opportunity to work with our Exec Team to work on a Forecast and Budgetary Plans for 2012.  And I can't wait to get things in place, to get the right people in the right places, and to start to work our plan.  For me, it is incredibly exciting and energizing to think about the future, and to dream and plan.

To plan and to create a vision for our team is the right thing to do.  Even God Himself says to plan and create a vision.  In the Old Testament, God says:

Then the Lord answered me and said;
Write the vision
And make it plain upon tablets,
That he may run that readeth it.

Within a few weeks, our company will look and feel differently.  Our Exec team is changing the ORG chart, policies, procedures, and even our culture and environment.  And we are running hard right now.
It is amazing the energy that it takes to get us to the next level.  I think it is easy to underestimate how much it can take out of you to get to the next destination.

And I have to keep reminding myself to stop and "smell the roses" because the journey is the thing that will be etched in our minds years from now.

Blogging in 2012

Last year was a good experiment for me in regards to blogging.  I enjoyed writing and chronicling my thoughts and observations.  It was especially therapeutic for me while I was alone at the camper.

But I am beginning to change my focus in several aspects of my life and I won't be attempting to write everyday in 2012.  I have my hands full at work and my brain is sometimes in "overdrive" at the end of a night and I can't seem to put together a coherent sentence.  Also, some of my blogs last year were simply "fillers".  Honestly, I thought they were lame.  Sometimes it takes me a day or two to formulate a thought that is worthy of my time to write and your time to read.

Full-time bloggers will tell you that blogging needs to take place once or twice daily to gain and keep an audience.  But, the number of followers I have reading my blog is not my goal.  I want to continue to write but I am only going to write 2 or 3 times per week.  Instead, I have a goal to complete a book about my granddad this year.  His life is fascinating to me and when I tell others about his adventures and his journey, people seem to be amazed. And I want people to know how extraordinary he is.

So, I would love you to continue reading this blog and staying in touch.  I recommend becoming an "official" follower of my blog by signing up on the right hand side of this page.  When you do, you will automatically receive my blog via e-mail. 

Here's to your best year yet! 

Happy New Year!!

I am ending 2011 in the perfect way (at least for me).  No loud parties, no big celebrations.  Just a quiet evening alone with my wife.  I have a roaring fire going in the outside fire pit, I am wrapped in a warm blanket, staring at the stars and moon, and reflecting on how blessed and grateful I am for everything that I experienced in 2011.

One of the things that I am thankful for is the release that I have experienced from writing this blog.  I wrote on 337 days (plus 19 other times on another blog of mine) and gained an audience from all over the world. The U.S., Canada, Singapore, the U.K., Sri Lanka, Latvia, Russia, Ukraine, Switzerland, Denmark, and India all visited the Campfire Chronicles on a regular basis. Strange thing is that I didn't tell many people at all about the blog.  And I didn't write to gain an audience.  I wrote to chronicle my journey and to communicate with my family.  Along the way, I started to take notice of more things and to be more aware of things around me so that I could write on a daily basis.  While at the campground, writing helped me sort out my feelings and thoughts and helped me make sense of things.  And as the year progressed, I think I gained perspective by being able to write.

In a strange way, the blog helped me gain new employment.  My brother-in-law reads The Campfire Chronicles almost daily and hinted at me working with him through a response to the blog.  Certainly, this was a life-changing event for me.  Since late October, I have not been in a camper without running water, taking showers in a cold cinder building, and being alone night after night with absolutely no human being in sight.  I am now in a huge city, surrounded by a wonderful family, living in a house (with running water) and loving my new position.  Yes, I am counting my blessings and consider myself very fortunate.

I have read several times throughout this week that people are ready for 2011 to be over and for 2012 to start and begin anew.  I am thankful for 2011 and wouldn't change anything.  I learned a lot about myself and about life.  I am grateful for the hard times and the lonely times.  I am grateful for the experience of pushing through and having to drive back and forth from Kentucky to Tennessee every week.  I appreciate my family and my life more because of it.

So, yes I am looking forward to 2012.  I want to do better, learn more, love more, and be more disciplined.  I also want to get in a "groove" and get settled.  I want to watch my boys from a distance and see how they mature as young men.  I am looking forward to a new season of my life with my wife as an "empty-nester".  I am looking forward to snow and traveling to places that we used to go to like Door County.

I also know that times will be tough.  With an election year and uncertainty surrounding us worldwide, things are more chaotic and less predictable than ever.  But with God's help, I am hopeful of another year of personal growth and maturity.

My God bless you in the New Year!!