I am Third? Not Really

The weather in Tennessee today is stormy and dark.  And that suits me well.  It fits my mood.  It fits my life right now.  Quite honestly, I don't like where I am at this stage of my life.   A few things lately have caused me to think about my life and question where I am. 

The first was a conversation that I had with my brother this week.  He asked me what the meaning is of "I am third".  I have this typed under my profile.  The second was a question that my CEO asked me at a private little cookout the other night.  We had a few moments when it was just he and I alone and he asked me how I was doing.  Nice mottos and common answers are usually given in these instances but are usually not the truth.  Let me explain.

"I am third" is a motto that was started by Gale Sayers of the Chicago Bears.  He prioritized his life by saying I am third behind God and family.  It is an ideal.  And when I wrote it under my profile, I was lying.  I am a hypocrite.  In reality, I am second.  My life right now is prioritized more so in the following order:

1. Family.  Everything I do is for my family.  I work in Kentucky, live in a camper, and provide almost every penny I have so that my children have a college education and get to pursue their passions.  And oftentimes it is very humbling.  I drive the worst car at work, I buy clothes from Sam's, I can't afford a vacation.  Hopefully, this is a long-term investment that pays dividends in the future.  I am not sure at this point in my life if it will
2. I am second.  Nothing really needs clarification here except that nothing other than my family takes priority over me.  Just an honest assessment.  If you want a fluffy little explanation, you are reading the wrong blog today.
3. Country - I spend more time on politics and the power struggle going on in our country right now than on any other thing except my family and myself.
4. God - This past Christmas and Easter are the first times in my life that I have not attended church on those days.  I have spent more time lately reading the Declaration of Independence, the Bill of Rights, and the Constitution than I have the Bible.  It's not right but it is the truth.

So there is the HONEST assessment of my life.  God is fourth, my family is first, and the good old US of A is third. And I am second.

I wish I could be the "holy man" and say God is first in my life.  But that would not be the truth.  God is an underlying factor in most decisions and actions in my life, but not the highest priority.  This admission should not be a surprise.  In reality, I have known only 3-4 people in my lifetime where God is really their first priority. 

My family has been spoiled and I really do wish I could pull a magic string and move into the future.  I really would like to be done with this stage of my life.  I think I am ready to be an "empty-nester". 

The United States of America once held ideals that I would die for to preserve.  I really have second thoughts about that nowadays.  Definitely, my family would come before my country and my own self-preservation would come second so that I could help my family.

And I am second.  Sounds selfish but I have learned that nobody will look out for me if I don't.  I no longer believe in the goodness and kindness of man, and I have learned that no one will stand up and fight for you regardless of whether or not they call you friend.

When I was young, I thought that there were countless reasons for joy and happiness and as I have gotten older, I think those reasons were stories that were made up by the adults that surrounded my life.