My Brother

I don't want to write about this subject but it has been on my mind all day.  I wanted to write about something "vanilla".  But I can't.  I think I need to get this off my mind.

I had a little brother that passed away when he was very young.  I was young too.  We didn't get to do much together because he was so young and sick.  But I do have good memories of swimming with him, swinging on the swings with him, and pushing him in the stroller.  I missed him so much that I had dreams of him until I graduated from high school.  I haven't had dreams of him for a long time though.  My blog yesterday was about a little boy that went to heaven during his surgery to repair his appendix.  One of the things that the boy talks about in his book is seeing his unborn sister in heaven and missing her afterwards.  I hope that I get to see my brother again some day.

But one of the gifts that I received not long after my brother passed away was another little brother.  When Rich was born I was so thankful.  He didn't replace the void that I had, but rather helped to fill a void.  Rich's intials are RPM, which is very appropriate.  He has always been a high RPM guy.   If it isn't fast and dangerous, Rich doesn't have much to do with it.  Throughout the years, I always felt protective of Rich and often worried about him when he was away.  But then, in between my sixth and seventh grade years, my dad married a wonderful lady that came with a package deal, a little girl and a boy that was Rich's age.  That little boy, Brett, and Rich were inseperable.  And I was thankful. 

A few years later, Rich and I connected again and then we both moved to Tennessee.  I spent many, many hours with Rich.  The boys called him "Unkie Poo" and loved when he was around.  He was fun and made them laugh.  We talked a lot about the future.

And then things changed. And our futures as brothers changed.  Decisions were made and things happened that altered our relationship.  I haven't spoken to Rich in years. I don't even know his phone number or address.  As a husband and father, I have been forced to make decisions that are best for my family.  And it makes me sad.  Especially on days like today when it is Rich's birthday. I feel like things will never be the same as they once were, but I do hope that one day we can at least talk occasionally by phone.

And the irony is that the brother that helped to fill a void has left another void in my heart.