Most of my blog followers know that I spend most of the work week in Kentucky and the weekends at home in Tennessee. Obviously, at times it has been a struggle. It is hard to be away from my family. I have missed my youngest son's entire high school career and have missed most of my oldest son's award banquets and college concerts. I often wonder if the price paid has been too high.
But there are good things about being in Kentucky. I have learned to really enjoy living in my camper. It is small and compact, but offers all of the necessary things I need and want. I have a radio, a refrigerator, an oven and a stove, a bed, and a table. I have found that TVs are not necessary and big beautiful homes don't make the man. I have learned to love the simplistic life and want to take these lessons with me the rest of my life.
The strange thing about my two separate lives is that I am finding more and more that I have two separate identities. I act differently in Kentucky than I do in Tennessee. I oftentimes am a different person. And strangely enough, the person that I am in Kentucky is more at peace than the person that I am in Tennessee. I don't act this way on purpose, but I often react to my surroundings and circumstances. I tend to be a chameleon. And I need to change.
When I am in Kentucky I stop and take time to reflect. I wake up in the morning and enjoy the sunshine and the gentle breeze as it blows through the camper. I build fires and read a book next to it. I eat simple, clean, healthy meals that take little time to prepare but are delicious. I volunteer. I enjoy the quietness of being alone in the campground. I look at the stars and enjoy listening to the birds. I focus and am prepared to face the next day.
Then I go to Tennessee at the end of the week and it seems like life speeds up and there are so many distractions around me that I start to react. I become more tense. I am shorter with my loved ones. There is much to do and Sunday night or Monday morning departure always seem like just hours away. I watch a few recorded shows on TV. I don't take time to look at the stars. I don't just relax with my family. Sure, we go out to eat and enjoy meals together but that tends to be my "downtime". I don't read as much in Tennessee. I try to write my blogs ahead of time. I try to make sure my boys have some direction. I lecture them on helping around the house while I am gone. I deal with all of the "ugly" stuff.....and then I leave and go back to Kentucky.
I know some of what I am conveying is just normal. I am trying to fit being a husband and father into two days and it creates some chaos. But I do feel like a chameleon. I do feel like a hypocrite. And I think that oftentimes I am cheating my family out of the real me, the best part of me.
Next August I will be an official "empty-nester".
I just hope and pray that I didn't sacrifice being the type of father and husband that I should be due to some of my business and personal decisions, both past and present.
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