I hate to admit it, but I attended church for the first time this past weekend for the first time in roughly 9 months. I have my reasons, but that topic is for another time, another blog. I attended my brother/sister -in-law's church. I got something from the message (about Jonah) but the service was all too common for me. It was the same as every church service I can remember from the time I used to stand up in the pew as a three year old and "preach" a little sermon myself, which I am sure my parents loathed.
We sang some "praise" songs (don't get me started Dale) and then a pastor gave a lecture much like a college professor would give, which was designed to entertain and provide some knowledge and challenge the listener. We then had some announcements, an offering, a closing prayer, and we were all encouraged to visit (Christians say "fellowship") afterwards while we drank coffee and ate cookies.
As you can tell, I am a little jaded by my "christian"/church experience of the last eight years. I believe that the modern church has become a "country club" for the less fortunate that can't afford to belong to the local country club or for those that don't enjoy a round of golf or a good match of tennis. The only cost for belonging to most churches is that you can pay a tithe of ten percent of your income (which most don't) and/or you simply have to learn the "church" language to fit into the culture. Words like fellowship replace words like "visit" or "hang out". "Blessing" replaces "a good thing".
The bible has a phrase that says something like they will get their just reward. To me that phrase means we can be "all in" and be the "real deal" or we can use language to fit into the "country club church". When I break it down it doesn't seem like a close race...either God or fitting in with a social group. Funny thing is when we get real and choose God, I think we get both God and the group.
My problem is that I wonder who is real and authentic and who is not. I want to spend my time with the real authentic people. I have spent time with the "country club Christians" and it seems like such a waste of time, money, and energy. And I know I shouldn't really care.
In reality, the question should be whether or not I am authentic. So how do we know if we are really spiritual or authentic, if we really love God? The answer lies in our actions. If we are talking one way and living another, we are just using the language of God to manipulate a group of people into affirming us. For example, according to the bible, I should attend church on a regular basis. I have already admitted that I am not. God says of me, then, that I have my reward in full. And He’s right.
But still I hold back for reasons that cut to my core and seem so hard to distance myself from.
I don’t know about you, but I want more. I want the real stuff.
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